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I've lived long enough to say, in painfully over general terms, that men and women view the world differently. One way isn't better or right, but it does leads to major confusion for everyone. I consider myself pretty good at figuring people out, I'm still thrown all the time.
Here's a simple interchange. "Do you need help with that?" "No, I'm fine." "Ok." If this is between two guys, it's over, no help is given. If it's between women, the women offering help will do so anyway if the situation warrants it, in her mind. If it's between a man and a woman, the man walks away and the woman is righteously pissed he didn't help anyway.
So, in defense of men, this is how it works. Men are social retards. I've said this before and will most likely say it again. Emotional subtleties are not our thing, so we're going strictly on what's said. In our helpful interchanged, the response. "No, I'm fine." is final. There is no need to dig deeper.
Even if the guy's holding a weight twice his size, his face beet red, about to be squished into the ground like a bug, he doesn't want help. To offer it anyway is to say you think he was lying, an idiot, incompetent, or weak. Men don't work on subtext, because they're not supposed to be giving any. To be so helpless that it is apparent to the world is shameful, a guy would rather just be squished. ( Note, this might have some relation to the infamous, "Why don't you just stop and ask for directions" argument. )
In short, with a guy, to act on your interpretation of a situation rather than what's strictly said is disrespectful on a primal level. Unfortunately, women assume to opposite to be disrespectful, so we're kinda screwed here.
I know this is overly simplistic and generalized. However, it could be helpful.
Here's a simple interchange. "Do you need help with that?" "No, I'm fine." "Ok." If this is between two guys, it's over, no help is given. If it's between women, the women offering help will do so anyway if the situation warrants it, in her mind. If it's between a man and a woman, the man walks away and the woman is righteously pissed he didn't help anyway.
So, in defense of men, this is how it works. Men are social retards. I've said this before and will most likely say it again. Emotional subtleties are not our thing, so we're going strictly on what's said. In our helpful interchanged, the response. "No, I'm fine." is final. There is no need to dig deeper.
Even if the guy's holding a weight twice his size, his face beet red, about to be squished into the ground like a bug, he doesn't want help. To offer it anyway is to say you think he was lying, an idiot, incompetent, or weak. Men don't work on subtext, because they're not supposed to be giving any. To be so helpless that it is apparent to the world is shameful, a guy would rather just be squished. ( Note, this might have some relation to the infamous, "Why don't you just stop and ask for directions" argument. )
In short, with a guy, to act on your interpretation of a situation rather than what's strictly said is disrespectful on a primal level. Unfortunately, women assume to opposite to be disrespectful, so we're kinda screwed here.
I know this is overly simplistic and generalized. However, it could be helpful.
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From:
no subject
On the return trip, he noticed that the neighbor hadnt moved in the half hour since the first pass... he was still holding up the 8 foot tall crane tire.
When he stopped to check on the man, he found that yes, help was needed, the tire had rolled onto the foot, and the neighbor had been there for a few hours, smiling and waving at everyone who passed.
Ya know, help is a grunt away.
From:
no subject
You need help, you do not smile and wave. You make choking motions, hare kari motions, close your eyes and let your tongue hang out, point at the source of your problem in a panicked way, hold up a little Wile E. Coyote sign that says "Help me...".
Smile and wave means "I'm ok". If you say you're ok and you're not, you've accepted your fate, period.