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Well, if you don't blog about your birthday...
As of yesterday, I've been on this planet 36 years. At various times growing up, I was told I wouldn't make it past 30... Um, so there, I guess.
Still, I don't feel any more adult than when I was half this age. I think, as kids, we unconsciously feel there will be a moment when we are officially grown up. Like a kind of mental puberty, where there's a shift to adult and all the those little godlike qualities small children project onto grownups will be ours. I somehow missed that day.
The girls at the office you a cake whether you want one or not. When I realized I didn't have a say, I put in a request for chocolate. But on cake day everyone had training or was leaving early, so I was presented the thing at 9am. It was a bunt cake, so at least it looked like a big doughnut. Still, the whole signing and candle thing seemed forced and odd. Some folks refused to eat cake that early in the morning. It was kind of sad, really.
Presents? They have meaning when you're a kid and must have toy X. Also, when you don't really understand the financial burden you're imposing on those around you. If I really wanted it, I'd buy it. Otherwise, it's too expensive to ask other people to buy. Crap, maybe I am grownup.
Now, I did get some clothes and a new shower head which was cool. But I can't think of any toys that gave me the heroin addict longing I had as a kid. Then again, the fix of the toy never really lived up to the jones.
Maybe I've just learned from experience not to mentally hype the idea of new stuff? If you manage to banish the pain of attachment, do you also loose the happy manic of unfulfilled desire? It's a pleasant Buddhist ideal, but I think I still have some attachment to that lost feeling of childhood joy.
I think I need a functional addiction for my birthday. Being compulsively tidy would be nice, but it's just not me. It all sounds like too much effort. :p
As of yesterday, I've been on this planet 36 years. At various times growing up, I was told I wouldn't make it past 30... Um, so there, I guess.
Still, I don't feel any more adult than when I was half this age. I think, as kids, we unconsciously feel there will be a moment when we are officially grown up. Like a kind of mental puberty, where there's a shift to adult and all the those little godlike qualities small children project onto grownups will be ours. I somehow missed that day.
The girls at the office you a cake whether you want one or not. When I realized I didn't have a say, I put in a request for chocolate. But on cake day everyone had training or was leaving early, so I was presented the thing at 9am. It was a bunt cake, so at least it looked like a big doughnut. Still, the whole signing and candle thing seemed forced and odd. Some folks refused to eat cake that early in the morning. It was kind of sad, really.
Presents? They have meaning when you're a kid and must have toy X. Also, when you don't really understand the financial burden you're imposing on those around you. If I really wanted it, I'd buy it. Otherwise, it's too expensive to ask other people to buy. Crap, maybe I am grownup.
Now, I did get some clothes and a new shower head which was cool. But I can't think of any toys that gave me the heroin addict longing I had as a kid. Then again, the fix of the toy never really lived up to the jones.
Maybe I've just learned from experience not to mentally hype the idea of new stuff? If you manage to banish the pain of attachment, do you also loose the happy manic of unfulfilled desire? It's a pleasant Buddhist ideal, but I think I still have some attachment to that lost feeling of childhood joy.
I think I need a functional addiction for my birthday. Being compulsively tidy would be nice, but it's just not me. It all sounds like too much effort. :p
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happy bearthday
/RUN!
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