Florists in Danger

Did you know that telephone companies stress test their systems on Mother's Day? It's the highest peek volume they have all year and for good reason; guilt. After the telecos, the hardest hit are probably the florists. One can imagine agent orange has a lesser effect on flowers than the mad, Hallmark driven, Mother's Day dash.

Myself, I avoid gift giving. If I give something to someone, I don't really like it to be expected. Still, there's mom, so there's guilt. Sometimes I forget, but manage to coat tail on my sister's fine honed sense of parental duty. Of course, most family members expect me to be absent minded and socially useless, so usually just a call is enough to discharge the obligation. Usually...

This year is rough, the first one mom's going to have without dad. With this in mind, at the zero hour, I've decided to make a human sacrifice for the good of the family. That human is the hapless flower delivery person. This is no idle threat, I have prior victims.

Once, while ordering flowers, they got lost, or something. Maybe a car crashed; they didn't make it. The next time I ordered, it escalated to a tractor trailer splattered across some highway, all deliveries cancelled; so sorry. No much caring for flowers anyway, I figured I was cursed.

In the years that followed I sent the expected toiletries and teddy bears, but there's only so much of that crap you can get away with. The reason flowers are so good is that they die and thus can effectively be given over and over. Chocolates are also good, but my mom's built a little like a mailbox and has recently forbidden them; she likes to take other people's candy.

So, here's hoping that floral tragedy doesn't come in threes and that the pesky things get there to bring happiness for all.