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Today, I had the misfortune of catching the show Calorie Commando! This guy has the hard sell down and really should be hawking SUVs somewhere. Instead, his audience are two moon eyed house fraus hovering on his every utterance. This alone is pretty nauseating, but the bastard also does food.
From the name, Calorie Commando, you've probably guessed that the menu doesn't include rich cream sauces or decadent deserts. The thing is, if it was just healthy fair it would be fine. But, like a vegetarian turkey, it's far more perverse than that.
The women dejure reveal to the “Commando” their favorite dishes, and he lowers the calories. Basically, he takes a meal someone loves and castrates it as that person looks on the plastic smiling horror.
The episode I endured can Stuffed French Toast and Eggs Benedict. The french toast tragedy was at least passably close to the source. Although a whole wheat loaf shaped as a brioche it probably a jailable offense in France. The Eggs Benedict, though, that's tragic...
He starts with some eggs, but adds more whites than yokes. Well, ok, that makes sense if you're cutting calories. Then he brings out onions and frozen spinach. He happily explains that this will give the rich full feel that Hollandaise sauce would have. It's his own idea, not exactly the same, you see.
The woman continued smiling for a little bit, but it was faltering. You could tell, in the back of her mind, she was thinking, “Calorie Commando, you're smoking crack.” She looked more and more disheartened the more bullshit he piled on.
I wanted her to loose it: Spinach in Eggs Benedict?!? You skinny, sanctimonious, chubby chasing prick! I hope you choke on your Soy Eggnog! I've got some extra fucking fiber for you, you repugnant California fruitcake! May all the ghosts of culinary past haunt you unto death and piss in your soup.
I didn't last long enough to see her suck it up, I had to change the channel.
From the name, Calorie Commando, you've probably guessed that the menu doesn't include rich cream sauces or decadent deserts. The thing is, if it was just healthy fair it would be fine. But, like a vegetarian turkey, it's far more perverse than that.
The women dejure reveal to the “Commando” their favorite dishes, and he lowers the calories. Basically, he takes a meal someone loves and castrates it as that person looks on the plastic smiling horror.
The episode I endured can Stuffed French Toast and Eggs Benedict. The french toast tragedy was at least passably close to the source. Although a whole wheat loaf shaped as a brioche it probably a jailable offense in France. The Eggs Benedict, though, that's tragic...
He starts with some eggs, but adds more whites than yokes. Well, ok, that makes sense if you're cutting calories. Then he brings out onions and frozen spinach. He happily explains that this will give the rich full feel that Hollandaise sauce would have. It's his own idea, not exactly the same, you see.
The woman continued smiling for a little bit, but it was faltering. You could tell, in the back of her mind, she was thinking, “Calorie Commando, you're smoking crack.” She looked more and more disheartened the more bullshit he piled on.
I wanted her to loose it: Spinach in Eggs Benedict?!? You skinny, sanctimonious, chubby chasing prick! I hope you choke on your Soy Eggnog! I've got some extra fucking fiber for you, you repugnant California fruitcake! May all the ghosts of culinary past haunt you unto death and piss in your soup.
I didn't last long enough to see her suck it up, I had to change the channel.